Return of the Blogging Dead

Blogging fell off the agenda when work went into overdrive – 105% billable utilization and 3 hours of commuting. Today I’m feeling demoralized, tired and frustrated…but it’s an off day. I’m generally pleased with the way things are panning out with my career and on the whole…on most days….and during the better part of any given day…I’m having fun. I’ve been asked to prove myself in the most challenging circumstances – and the rewards, admittedly, have been commensurate.

I made an implicit choice regarding my career. I knew and accepted the consequences. Less balance. Less time even for Yogasanas (between billable hours and periodic flu I’ve probably averaged only three practices a week). If I want to practice, it has to be at 4:00 am…and sometimes it’s tough getting up at four. One crazy night I had conference calls at 10:30 – 12:30 am and then the next morning at 5:00 am. That’s globalisation for you.

But do you sometimes get the feeling that whatever you try to do, life’s got certain stuff in mind for you and there’s nothing you can do change it? Here’s irony for you…by moving up a gear, I was letting go of any chance of taking a 3-month sabbatical for Yoga – that just doesn’t happen for 30-somethings on the career track I’ve put myself on. But there’s the rub…my mad job that supposedly leaves me short of time for yogasanas is taking me to Bangalore in October…a cab ride from Mysore. Go figure. I’m getting my shots and I’m going to Mother India…business class.

Transformations

All changes right now. The wedding I wrote about last time left me weary for two weeks as I slowly detoxed. It provided a reminder on the impact my diet has on my happiness, productivity, vitality and general well-being. I felt sluggish, slow and ill two weeks. I’ve since returned to my usual diet and the change in how I feel is dramatic. Why should I be so surprised?

The asanas are still good and regular. I lost Mari D after the wedding though…but I’m getting it back – binding the first side for the last week or so. It’s all 4:30 am practices right now. That is the latest I can get up and still make the office in time (8:15 am) for my call with Bangalore (or Bengaluru as it’s now called). My new train commute gives me tons of time to read for the first time in years…and to communicate with my wife. We’ve probably spoken more about non-essential stuff (you know…actually talking about things other than the kids, mortgage etc) in the past two weeks than in the preceding six months.

People ask me whether I miss working from home. I don’t. I’ve had to give up some things. But I’ve gotten some nice things in exchange. That’s an attitude more than anything. And I think it’s one that Yoga is responsible for awakening. Besides, I think I’ll still be able to manage a few days a month from home once I’m settled on the engagement.

Hey! I’ve also been to a couple of rolfing sessions since I last wrote. All I can say about the first session is that it was ‘pleasant’. I enjoyed it – is about as much I can offer. I felt the alphawaves waft over me as I drifted in and out of a semi-conscious state. Perhaps the changes being effected were too subtle for me to understand, notice and realise. It was after all the first session of what is usually ten. I had the second on Friday night – the focus of which were my feet – and the outcome of which seems a minor miracle; for as long as I can remember, I’ve had very high arches and tended to rotate my legs outwards, walking on the outer edges of my feet. I’ve sprained my feet numerous time because of the tendancy to land on the outer edge – once really badly coming down from a volleyball spike.

Since Friday though, I’ve been walking straight. I don’t rotate outwards. As I stand, I feel my weight evenly balanced on my soles. When we were done the session, the rolfer asked me to walk 10 or 12 yards up and down in front of her. I noticed the difference immediately and just looked at her shaking my head and laughing. It was when I got into the car to come home though that I really noticed the difference. My feet sat squarely on the pedals, instead of half-slipped off their edges – now that really felt different.

Needless to say, I’m going back for more. What other myofascial tendancies do I have locked up inside me that keep my bones from sitting properly and what stress, tension and emotional logjams are being created as a result? What other spaces are there waiting to be opened? What’s it going to do to my asanas?

Transformations

All changes right now. The wedding I wrote about last time left me weary for two weeks as I slowly detoxed. It provided an reminder on the impact my diet has on my happiness, productivity, vitality and general well-being. I felt sluggish, slow and ill two weeks. I’ve since returned to my usual diet and the change in how I feel is dramatic. Why should I be so surprised?

The asanas are still good and regular. I lost Mari D after the wedding though…but I’m getting it back – binding the first side for the last week or so. It’s all 4:30 am practices right now. That is the latest I can get up and still make the office in time (8:15 am) for my call with Bangalore (or Bengaluru as it’s now called). My new train commute gives me tons of time to read for the first time in years…and to communicate with my wife. We’ve probably spoken more about non-essential stuff (you know…actually talking about things other than the kids, mortgage etc) in the past two weeks than in the preceding six months.

People ask me whether I miss working from home. I don’t. I’ve had to give up some things. But I’ve gotten some nice things in exchange. That’s an attitude more than anything. And I think it’s one that Yoga is responsible for awakening. Besides, I think I’ll still be able to manage a few days a month from home once I’m settled on the engagement.

Hey! I’ve also been to a couple of rolfing sessions since I last wrote. All I can say about the first session is that it was ‘pleasant’. I enjoyed it – that’s about as much as I can offer; I felt the alphawaves waft over me as I drifted in and out of a semi-conscious state. It felt good and 90 minutes seems more like nine. Perhaps the changes being effected were too subtle for me to understand, notice and realise. It was after all the first session of what is usually ten. The second session, which I had on Friday night, was very different. The focus were my feet – and the outcome seems a minor miracle; for as long as I can remember, I’ve had high arches and tended to rotate my legs outwards, walking on the outer edges of my feet. I’ve sprained my feet numerous time because of the tendancy to land on the outer edge – once really badly coming down from a volleyball spike.

Since Friday though, I’ve been walking straight. I don’t rotate outwards. As I stand, I feel my weight evenly balanced on the soles. When we were done the session, the rolfer asked me to walk 10 or 12 yards up and down in front of her. I noticed the difference immediately and just looked at her shaking my head and laughing. It was when I got into the car to come home though that I really noticed the difference. My feet sat squarely on the pedals, instead of half-slipped off their edges – now that really felt different.

Needless to say, I’m going back for more. What other myofascial tendancies do I have locked up inside me that keep my bones from sitting properly and what stress, tension and emotional logjams are being created as a result? What other spaces are there waiting to be opened? What’s it going to do to my asanas?

In the Land of Macaca

On a stag night the Wednesday before last for my cousin in Atlantic City, I got carded as I was being herded into a dubious establishment called Bare Exposure. (I mean…really…what other kind of exposure is there other than the bare kind?) The bouncer looked at my Ontario driver’s license, laughed and shook his head. “Ha Ha…you’re from Canada? Man, you got real superstars up there. you gonna to be disappointed in here” Like I’d know. I’ve only been to a strip club once before…in London while at Western when I was still an impressionable 18, my roommate dragged me to the Forum (he knew the doorman). Our bouncer friend was right…decadent, infamous Atlantic City paled in comparison to the sleepy Southwestern Ontario University town. How strange. Regardless, my yogic sensibilities were offended by the display, tame as it was, and I protested with a sit-in. I wasn’t going to move…except for the occasional cigarette with the lads in the frigid seaside air….and those horrid, wretched Jäger Bombs.

In every sense it was a calamitous 5 days for my practice. This was an Indian Wedding, and while there was plenty of sanskrit and oms all over the place, the Yoga was scarce.

• Tuesday: Drive overnight to Atlantic City from Toronto
• Wednesday: Obligatory visit to the Outlet strip and then…see above
• Thursday: The Vidhi. Large wedding party leaves in a convoy for Fairfax (we all started calling each other Macaca for amusement). Bride’s family registers us into the Best Western. More drinking and eating at the reception they hold for us.
• Friday: Wake up! Two triple espressos. Wedding. More drinking and eating. Drive back to Atlantic City straight from Temple. Return to Atlantic City in the cold driving rain. The groom’s father (my uncle) has pre-ordered 40 large pizzas from Dominos…generously covered in jalapenos.
• Saturday: Jalapenos wreak further havoc on much-abused constitution. Spend the afternoon watching Undercover Brother in our motel room. Wedding Reception. More drinking and eating.
• Sunday: Spend the morning recovering. Many pizzas go to a church. Drive back to Toronto in the afternoon. Get stuck in Philadelphia traffic. Cross the border into Canada gratefully at 1:30 am, get home an hour later.

Recovering from the wedding as well as piles of work (and even Halloween) conspired to keep me off the mat until Thursday. Needless to say, I’ve had better practices. To be honest, I was happy and relieved just to get onto my mat. You know what’s really daft? My mat made the journey with me from Toronto to Fairfax and back.

My wife and I weren’t on very good terms during the wedding. We’ve been mending fences since we got back to Toronto. She bought me a present yesterday – Iyengar’s Light on Life. I was well-chuffed.

Harry and Eddie

You lose weight in the most unexpected places. My wedding ring is too loose now and slips around on my finger – I’m fearful I’ll lose it (the ring itself I’m not so bothered about as the earful I fear I’d get – come to think of it…actually she probably wouldn’t say much. She probably wouldn’t say anything…for days. Except with cold hard eyes). One thing that I squarely ‘blame’ on Yoga is shifting the balance of power towards Her. I was once firmly in control. And now I just can’t be arsed. Control is not worth having. In fact, control does not even exist. She seemed too easy going once. Now she seems uptight…but she hasn’t changed. I have.

Packing for a trip yesterday, I realised that replacing one’s wardrobe is not something you do in July with the expectation that you’re all set for October. I tried on my favourite sweaters. I looked silly. Like a girl wearing her boyfriends sweaters (or like a girl wearing her own…in 1986). It’s turning into a bonanza for my dad. piles of vintage Eddie Bauer and Harry Rosen size 40 – perfect once for me, still for him.

Things’ll be great when I’m Downtown

I’ve spent three of the past four years largely working from home. That’s about to change as I’ve been assigned to a client engagement smack downtown starting on 6 November. Right on the Lake at Queen’s Quay. Getting downtown Toronto from our place involves a 25-minute drive through the country to the nearest station and then a 55-minute ride on the comfortable and frequently reliable GO Train. I’m looking forward to it for a host of reasons; it shifts my career up a gear and gives me more time with my wife whose office is just 10 minutes away and with whom I’ll share the commute in.

Also, being downtown finally offers up the opportunity to practice at a Shala. Apart from a couple of workshops with Lino and Darby, I’ve only practiced asanas in a shala twice – my very first two Ashtanga practices ever back in the Summer 2003. There are at least four places to practice Ashtanga Vinyasa…and two of those with authorized teachers so I’ll relish the opportunity to tweak my practice with expert hands-on guidance.

Asana-wise I had a first yesterday – Garba Pindanasa…without lube I’ve found it easy lately (my usual mode has been to splash a bit of water on my arms and legs) and thought it was high time to try it dry..er…as it were. I used to wonder how I would ever sweat so much as to manage without the liquid prop. Now I know I don’t need to. Like any other asanas, I guess eventually you just get so as you can do it.

There’s only one more ‘first’ left for me in Primary (not counting those handstanding vinyasas for Navasana). Supta Kurmasana. Faster Tortoise! Sleep! Sleep!

Well hey there. How ya doin?

My wife and daughters returned on 23 August after almost four months in England. It’s great to have them back – that’s a bit lame as an expression of how good it feels but I can’t bother trying to come up with anything better because I’m not sure I could. You realise how much people mean to you when they aren’t around. The dearth of posts on this blog lately is down to me being preoccupied with them. The girls have changed enormously. Four months is a long time…especially for the baby (who came back a toddler). The older one came back with an accent which resembles mine (her however seems to have faded somewhat now).

Four months was long enough for me to have settled into new routines and it has been a massive readjustment to re-accomodate a working spouse and two young girls. Gone are the 7:00 am practices and hours of quiet study and reading. Not that I’m complaining though. But my preoccupation with my family and the upheaval caused by their return meant things were light asana-wise. My log tells me I practiced a mere 15 times in September. Having said that, interestingly and paradoxically, September was a month of breakthroughs. Mari D is becoming ‘matter of fact’, Kurmasana comes easily and without dread. Even Supta Kurmasana is on the cusp. Then what? Deeper I guess.

I’m off to a good start in October with 5 straight practices. However, they’re 4:15 am practices – getting them in these days means getting at ‘em early. I must say though, I miss the performance enhanced nature of a slightly later practice. I should get up 30 minutes earlier and muck about for a while…would be far better than my current mode of practicing 10 minutes after getting up.

Karma ain’t just a restaurant in Mississauga

A lady in New Jersey, a friend of my aunt’s, recently sent me a booklet entitled Living Intelligently: According to Bhagavad Gita. It’s a series of questions posed to, and answered by Swami Viditatmananda Saraswati during a talk series in July 2001. The Swami deals with several subjects with some insight and vision – karma for one.

People who think they know what karma is have a position on it – i.e either they believe in it or don’t. But if people really grasped what karma implies there would a lot less controversy about it. The Swami explains karma in disarming simplicity that cuts deep through the mysticism and mystery.

He says that Karma is “the law of cause and effect”. That’s it. That’s all. Cause and Effect – the everyday phenomenon that we readily acknowledge in our physical world; one thing happens and other things happen as a consequence. The consequence is always in keeping with the action that caused it. We neglect our teeth…they go bad. We neglect or poison our bodies…we get sick and die.

But hang on a minute. Good people get cancer and suffer. Good people get their towns shelled to rubble or get rounded up into gas chambers – where’s the cause and effect there? What bad deeds could they have done to deserve those things? And what about the people who shelled them – they’ll get away with it. How’s that fair? Where’s the karma in that?

The Swami says that Karma often plays itself out over a longer term than individuals can appreciate. The span of our lives don’t amount to a lot in the cosmic scale. He says that the universe is like a painting that looks a blurry up close. But if you step back…way back, its order and purpose comes into full resolution. According to him karma is ultimately fair, particularly if you believe that the soul is indestructable and that karmic consequences will impact the soul beyond individual lifespans.

For the Swami, the ultimate proof that Karma (cause and effect) exists, works, and is fair is the sheer order, equilibrium and symmetrical beauty of the universe that we live in. The universe works…and withou karma it wouldn’t.

Why fast?

Why do we fast? Eating and drinking is a pervasive act that preoccupies us for much of the day so when we fast, we are reminded continuously of the reason behind the fast – like the proverbial knot in the handkerchief it nudges our memory. So when I fasted yesterday for Janmaashtami it was to remember Krsna and the example he set, and the wisdom he imparted (which the world seems to comprehensively ignore).

Beyond this, fasting is a physiological act of purification. In nature sick animals (and indeed even humans) lose appetite as our bodies look to aid the healing by giving our digestive system a break. When we do eat during a fast, it is sattvic food and drink – fruits, nuts, wholesome milk (I avoid the latter as there is pretty much no such thing easily available anymore). So even if you aren’t taking your yoga to the dinner table, it’s at least one day that you will save yourself from eating bad food or drink.

So…Jai Shri Krsna.

Too much gymnastics

I know that doing asanas twice a day for your second 25 years doesn’t make up for not doing asanas for your first 25 years. I know that would not only be futile and pointless, but likely also counter-productive.

So why do I sometimes behave otherwise? Of course I’d never actually practice twice a day (had I that kind of additional time for my practice, I wouldn’t be spending it on asanas – there’s scripture to be read, meditation, pranayama, time spent with spouse and children…all of those would be more yogic use of a spare 90 minutes than a second run through the Primary Series). But I did try to make up for lost time a couple of weeks ago

Here’s what happened: Due to travel, lodging in cramped quarters and the such, I had a lean spell – only managing to practice four times in a week and it included a 5-day spell where I only practiced asanas once. When I got home I embarked on a eight-day stretch that ended with Tuesday’s full moon…as if to try to make up for lost time on the mat. Admittedly they were good sessions. but I could feel my body, mind spirit beginning to tire towards the end of the stretch. I felt reluctance creep into my attitude. I took the moonday gratefully. But was back on the mat on Wednesday. I’m learning my lesson though…it’s Saturday and I’m resting.