Knackered

As usual, I went into the office today which meant a 4:00 am practice. Except, it was another late night and I sleepily set my alarm for 5:00 by mistake. So when I got up and I came downstairs for my customary pre-practice cup of water I looked at the clock in disbelief. All I could do was crawl back in bed for the 20 minutes or so before it was time to get moving for work.

I’m home now and completely exhausted. And I have a headache – I always seem to get them on Thursdays after going into the office – could it be the drive? or something in the air at our offices? I am also completely stuffed after supper.

I’m tempted to give it a couple of hours and hit the mat for a practice as Friday’s moonday and if I miss out tonight it I won’t get onto the mat until Saturday. I feel bad since I didn’t get a full practice yesterday. I had an early morning conference call and couldn’t get through my entire practice so I just did the standing poses plus Sirsana (which, as ‘King of Asanas’ I consider mandatory). I’ll probably have to let it go for tonight. I need to convince myself that it’s ok to make miss a practice every now and again – especially if it was missed unintentionally. It’s not as though I planned to skip today.

I’m over-ambitious and I drive myself too hard. I always have been. With everything…and now Yoga. Iyengar has said something to the effect that Yoga, to take hold, requires one to apply something akin to a ‘self-directed’ violence as opposed to the outwardly directed ahimsa (non-violence). Maybe this is what that is. Regardless, I can’t beat myself up over missing a practice. Maybe I need to practice the art of not practicing.

It’s an early morning tomorrow so I better forget my practice and rest up. We’re going to Niagara again – with our latest set of visitors – one of whom is making his first trip to North America, so the glorious Canadian falls are a must for him.

A couple of weeks ago I had my regular meeting with my manager and, looking straight at me, she said ‘You’re not looking yourself – something’s not quite right Ash’. So I said, ‘Yep, I’m feeling a bit jaded’. I told her I need to take some time off but that I’m saving two weeks for the baby in October and then my last week for Christmas’. She gave me an extra couple of days off and asked me to take them as soon as my projects would allow; so I’m claiming one tomorrow – my first day of vacation (apart from the statutory holidays) since last October. About time eh?

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