Toxic. That’s how I feel. My asanas have been poor the last week. It’s gotten very cold suddenly (we even had a couple of inches of snow Sunday night) and it’s now pitch blackness at 6:30 am. I’m finding it hard to get onto the mat and when I do, I’m stiff as a board.
Also, some of my negative samskaras have retaken hold of me. Diya’s birth was a ‘weak spot’ – up all hours and short on time, I took short cuts. In a word, I regressed. French fries, chips, coffee, donuts, maple walnut danishes. Banished for the first 9 months of the year and I felt brilliant. But those deeply grooved habits are cunning – your guard comes down in a moment of weakness and they are back in just like that. Now, slowly I’m beginning to wean myself off.
Also, lately I’ve been laying in and on weekends my practice often doesn’t start until 9 am. The resulting asanas are poor because I’m fretting about stuff that I need to get done or distracted by the commotion in the kitchen made by the rest of the household who are by this time well and truly up.
I’m also going to bed later than I’d like. Admittedly I’m doing things that are worthwhile (like reading The Sutras or other worthwhile books or articles. Last week I wrote about the Genographic Project – I spent a lot of time watching and re-watching the DVD I was sent with my participation kit and ‘browsing’ (as they would say in Mysore) the website. All quite worthy of my late evening time to be sure, but not without adverse impact to my early morning poses.
Beyond this I’ve been feeling crap physically. Headaches – the usual curve through the left side of my head starting behind the eye, curving behind my ear and down my shoulder.
Yesterday was keeping with the recent ‘badness’. We put an application into Production – the work of a team of 15 or so starting back in April. Six of us went into the office to ‘stickhandle’ the deployment. Afterwards the three of us (who weren’t moslem and therefore not fasting for Ramadan) went to the Chinese Mall across the road to celebrate with lunch. I felt pretty nasty later on – all I could eat for supper was an apple and a kiwi fruit. One of my colleagues took the day off sick and another was also out of sorts. I think they fared worse than I because of the beef. I, of course, stuck to what were apparently vegetables – the ‘Spicy Eggplant’ and something called ‘Vegetarian’s Delight’. We soaked it all up with this chinese bread that resembled fresh uncooked pasta in rolls the size of tennis balls. It tasted great and we cleaned up, but in retrospect it was all terribly unwise.