The nature of my last post really demanded an update considering the sympathy expressed. I was remiss in not providing it. As explanation I’ll just say that 2009 was a contender in the ‘most difficult, challenging, painful’ year category and blogging, for all its cathartic value, didn’t really rate highly.
If you want to measure the impact of neuroblastoma, you might draw up a 2×2 matrix: along the top, you have discover – ‘early’ and ‘late’; and down the side you would have pathology – ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Drishti’s case fell into the top left box – her tumour was found early and found to have a ‘good’ pathology. A good pathology means that her cancer appears to be spontaneously regressing. It’s shrinking. It has disappeared from her liver, and what is left on the adrenal gland is just half it’s original size. When I query our daughter’s oncologists about the ‘disappearing cancer’ they can’t really offer an explanation and what I get is ‘It just does that sometimes and nobody’s quite figured out exactly why’.
Fair enough. Who cares so long as it does just go away. It suffices to say that Drishti’s well; beautiful, cheerful and full of mischief. She’s not out of the woods. But she’ll manage. Her biopsy sample is of value to those who study cancer and apparently it is being examined closely – yet so young and to have contributed so much to the betterment of humanity!
Maybe. But she definitely contributed to the betterment of her Dad. I’ll never be quite the same. The struggle for me is to hold onto the clarity of vision that I acquired in those challenging weeks and months when all the detritus of life fell away and I saw in the starkest light how so little of what I fretted about and valued actually mattered. The vision’s gone a little blurry again. It was bound to with the return of normality. But it’s still clearer than it was.